White noise

3 min read

Deviation Actions

QueenCordite's avatar
By
Published:
1.7K Views

Mentally destroyed blithering post No. whatever we're on now:

(Please skip if you do not like my mentally destroyed blithering posts.)

While I hadn't been looking at the calendar, the 11th rolled around really fast, and tomorrow is the day I am completely off Sertraline. However, as I need to wait for it to be out of my system before I can start taking prozac, this means I will be spending an entire day completely unmedicated. The shakes, nausea, exhaustion and disturbing thoughts have been unbearable enough as I've been cutting down, so I'm genuinely quite worried about what tomorrow is gonna look like.

Some days this week it's felt like the end is in sight; other days it feels like I've been kicked down some kind of dark hole with my eyes stabbed out so I couldn't even tell you if there *was* a light at the end of the tunnel, much less if it was a train, because I can't see and don't really have any idea where I am or what's happening to me.

On a faintly related note I seem to apparently be the most defective artist who ever picked up a pen, purely because (and most people go "u wot m8?" at this) I can't channel my emotions through my art at all. So while drawing is making me feel better in and of itself because it's an enjoyable activity, I'm not exactly successfully letting my feelings out. My art, I suppose, has always been more about telling stories and communicating the characters' feelings and personalities, not my own (this is why I do comic st00f). I genuinely don't get the "tortured artist" thing. I can't wait until I've got my ability to think clearly back so that I know whether what I've drawn is telling the story properly. It's hard to tell a character's story and express the contents of their fictional head, when your own head is full of white noise.

© 2016 - 2024 QueenCordite
Comments16
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
Moon-Harpy's avatar
Seeing this post only now am wondering how are you getting on after having the hell of a time getting meds out of your system?

Hope all is "good in the hood!" now after it all and keep us updated of your progress


sending you positivity and lots of hugs!

J